A little "down" lately...

I am feeling a little out of the loop tonight. Not sure why. Still just in a "down" mood. Maybe it's because I've been cooped up in my house for 3 days straight now. I need to get out. Maybe tomorrow DJ & I will go to the park or something. He can't like being stuck in the house all day, everyday either. I wish we had a fenced in yard for him to play in.

I am counting down until Donald gets home. We still have some time to go, and I am sooooooo ready for this deployment to be over. So thankful this is his last one for 3 years. I'm over it all and feel like I'm at a breaking point half the time over the smallest things. It will be so nice to have him home again. I know DJ misses him as well.

Well it is after midnight and I need sleep. It's not coming so easily tonight. I've been having problems sleeping again. Ever since I got back from my trip on Wednesday I have been sleeping on the couch. I can't sleep in my bed. I go through this every deployment. It feels so strange to sleep in the bed without him. Half the time I don't get to sleep for awhile. I just lay there. Atleast on the couch I can hear DJ when he wakes up in the morning, a little easier.

Well I am off to my couch. Hopefully DJ sleeps in, in the morning. Mommy here, could use it.

Insecurites

I am feeling a little down tonight. My reason you may ask? I wish I didn't care so much about what people thought, especially about myself. I have always been this way (well as far as I can remember), and I don't think I will ever change. Maybe it has to do with how much I was picked on in school for my looks? I don't know. I have always been very self conscious about the way I look. Some people just roll their eyes if I say this, but they just don't understand. Not everyone who is on the thinner side is comfortable with their body. Everyone has their insecurities about things. What brought this to my mind you may be wondering.. Well a friend posted pictures of them going to the springs and having fun. I could never do that. I wouldn't wear a bathing suit out in public. I can't stand the way I look in one. I have been teased my entire life about how pale I am. Then again about being so thin I look anorexic. Even friends joke about it randomly. Growing up and having people (family included) point these things about you out and teasing you about it can really have an impact your life. I've grown up thinking these were flaws. And as much as I defend myself by little sayings about looking younger when I'm older because I didn't tan..etc. It doesn't help. It's all a front. The teasing still bothers me and makes me even more insecure about it all. Anyone every wonder why I tend to dress a little more conservative, not wear shorts, or even short dresses?.. There's your answer.

Yes, I know I will eventually have to get over my insecurities, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. As much as I try they are still there. And it still hurts anytime someone makes a "harmless" joke about how pale I am.

Catch Up!

Wow..It's been over a year since I have blogged! I am sorry!

But it has been such a crazy year for us all in the Maloney household. I will do my best to let you in on what has happened in the last year.

Let's see. I last blogged on May 30, 2009. It is now, June 20th, 2010.

My son DJ came home from Shands on June 17th, 2009. Since then he has been through quite a bit with the medical problems. He has been back and fourth to his pediatrician (every week for the first 2 months he was home!), and then back and fourth from Nemours Children's Clinic and even a few times to Wolfsons Childrens' Hospital. Right when we get one thing taken care of another pops up. First it was his lungs, and he spent 3 weeks at Shands. Those 3 weeks I will never forget what I saw and what my poor son had to go through. He came home on June 17th, which was such a blessing! About a month or so after he came home he started having GI issues. We went back and fourth to his pediatrician and then finally a visit to Nemours. He was put on some special formula and all was well. A few months go by, Donald is about to leave on deployment. This time he would be gone all through the holidays. Donald got sick, and DJ started getting sick. Donald left for his deployment and DJ got worse. A few hospital visits later, plus a few Nemours visits, and the deployment coming to an end January gets here. That is when we find out he has Asthma. They say he may grow out of it, and as of right now..he seems to be doing just that. Also around same time starting in Nov. 2009, he kept getting ear infection after ear infection. No antibiotic would work, and it seemed the steroids were not doing anything. The day we found out he had Asthma, we also found out he would be needing to get ear tubes put it. Donald came home in February, and at the end of that month DJ had his tubes put in. And I am happy to say he has not had 1 ear infection since then. :)

There has been something new with his lungs we found a couple of months ago though. His breathing will be normal, they will do the pulsox and it will read 97-100. But when they do an X-Ray to verify, his lungs will have black on them. We went in last week for a sweat test. I was nervous about the results. I called on Friday and they said it came back negative. I almost cried. I thanked God. And, I thank everyone for their prayers for DJ over this past year. We go back to the Pulmonologist on the 28th to see what the next step is.

And here we are. Donald is gone on deployment again. DJ & I miss him so much right now, and can not wait for him to come home to us. I have some amazing friends here (M&M Div!) that have helped me and supported me so much throughout everything. I do not know what I will do when we move. I wish I could take every one of these ladies with me. They say Military Wives start as strangers at the beginning of a deployment, and are sisters by the end. A few deployments later, and I 100% agree with that statement.
(Our ladies night out at Wasabi in Jacksonville!)

Donald is afraid he will not recognize him, but I think he will. He knows who his daddy is. This will be our last one for a few years. We are really looking forward to our move, wherever that may be.

Today is Fathers Day. I want to wish every Father out there a wonderful Fathers Day! & To My Hubby, I hope you are having a good day wherever you are, and know we love & appreciate you very much!

To my own Father, I love you, and I am so thankful for everything you have done for us. You are truly the worlds best dad a girl could ask for! I will forever be, daddy's little girl. :)

And, I promise..I will TRY and update a little more often. Especially considering we will be moving even further away very soon.

Here are a few recent pics:

DJ

------------------Saturday 5/30/2009-4:30am---------------

So it's 4:30 am...and I just can't get back to sleep. We just got a phone call at 3 saying that one of his lung's completely collapsed, but now he is doing better and he on his way to how he was when we left the NICU last night.

I figured I would update now since I can't get back to sleep...(I've tried everything) We are going back up to the hospital in a few hours to check on him ourselves. I just don't feel right not being there with him.

Thank-You for your thoughts and prayers!

-Robyn-

---------------------Friday 5/29/2009--------------------------
I went for my doctors appointment yesterday(5/28) at 11:30am..then was sent to the hospital right away..

DJ was born at 7:06pm weighing 6lbs 14oz, 19.5 inches long.

He was sent to Shand's hospital as soon as the pediatrician got there because of severe respiratory complications...they've run some tests, there is a whole in his heart, his lung's are not nearly as formed as they should be. He cannot breath on his own and is in a oscillator (sp?)..hooked up to a bunch of machines. They have not been able to feed him, all he is getting is sugar water through a tube, and it may be a few days until he can have milk. They are doing more testing and have just prepared us in case they have to send him to Gainesville for surgery(can't think of the name of it right this minute)..He does seem to be improving, but he is still fighting the machine that is helping him breath. His blood pressure is also extremely low.

I will upload pics when I can but as of now I have been up for 2 days with only 2 hours of sleep. So I am off to try and get some sleep and recuperate some.

Please keep him in your prayers...

I will update again when I get a chance. Oh and Donald did get to come home...I don't know where I would be right now without him here.

-Robyn-

Baby Showers!

So I went down to Florida this past weekend where I had two baby showers thrown for me. One was for my friends and thrown by my best friend, and the second was for family thrown by my mom. They were both really amazing, and we got some really great stuff. Some of the stuff I was worried Donald wouldn't like very much, he ended up liking a lot. He helped me go through it and put it up in the babies room. I got to see family I hadn't seen since November so that was a lot of fun. I really miss being able to hang out with my cousins. We only got about 2 hours together, but a few of them said they were going to try and make the trip up to see me. So I'm excited for that! One of the ladies my mom works with made me this amazing diaper cake with all kinds of thing's hidden in it. I let Donald take it apart when I got back to Georgia since he didn't get to open up any of the other presents. I think he got a kick out of some of the stuff in it. I still haven't taken it fully apart. (do you know how long it takes to unroll 2 diaper cakes!?!?lol) One of my friends also made me a diaper cake and it turned out really cool too. She put thing's on it that had to do with the ocean and thing's "daddy might see". Which I thought was adorable! I will post pics as soon as I get them. I didn't have my camera so I'm trying to figure out who all had theirs..(I know there were a couple of people with them). But overall it was a pretty great weekend. I even got to spend some actual girl time with my 2 best friends...which never happens..every time I go down they are working. So it was nice to just be able to relax and hang out a little bit. I'm hoping to be able to go back to visit one more time before DJ is here, but I'm not sure if that is possible..I only have 8 weeks left before he is due..and I don't think I want to drive by myself the last month..Going into labor on the interstate is not in my birth plan..lol. So if I go it will have to be in the next few weeks..and as it is..my "schedule" is full for the next 2 weeks. But hey maybe some people will surprise me and come see me..(hint hint)

Well now that I have done a quick jumbled update..I am off to bed. I have a doctors appointment bright and early in the morning so I need to go to bed. It's actually been a long day..OH and I will post pics of the babyshowers ASAP!..I also have another one this weekend, and along with that my birthday is on Sunday!..22..I'm starting to feel old..lol. where did 21 go? I feel like I just turned 21 like a couple of months ago...hmm..who know's. hopefully 22 doesn't pass by as quickly though!

Goodnight...and I will try and update a little more often.

-Robyn-

A little bit of a vent..

I'm kind of bummed right now, but I guess I should be used to changes...every time we seem to set a plan so that Donald can participate thing's get changed. I think I may just give up ever having him around to celebrate anything.

So he calls me tonight before he goes to bed (he's on duty)..and tells me that he was told they are starting shift work...so I asked when...his reply "next week". Well the baby shower's are next weekend and they were planned next weekend so he could go to the friends one and just be apart of it...but now he can't. He's not allowed to take leave during shift work...which I do understand..it's just not possible and if he were able to, it would be screwing some people pretty badly, which I'm not at all for. I'm just a little aggravated with it. And yes I know..I'm overreacting..but I just wanted him to be able to be there and be apart of it all. I should be used to schedule changes by now..It's been almost 3 years. I guess I just needed to vent a little. I know his job can't help what need's to be done, and they can't cater to every want of every person...but it's just a little aggravating sometimes I guess. Can I just blame this reaction on my hormones and be done with it?..

My name is Robyn and I'm addicted to Victoria Secret...and buying baby clothes!

I'm tired, hungry, soar, and emotional.
That about sums up the past week for me.


I don't think I've ever been so hungry or tired..
That is all it seems I've been doing lately eating something or taking a "short" nap. Oh and I can not seem to remember the simplest things..weird..is that part of pregnancy..I sure hope so.

I'm going down to Florida this weekend since we are not going to Sub-Ball..I get to pick up a bunch of stuff my mom and Grandma bought..[i'm excited!]..so next week I will get to keep myself occupied on washing baby clothes, etc...I did cheat however last week and I bought a newborn outfit...I know I said I wouldn't buy anymore baby clothes because I was getting so many as it was..but I couldn't resist..it was the cutest little outfit..and..and...and...ugh...I have no excuse for it...waiting is soooo hard! (does that count as an excuse?!?..a good one?) But..I will not buy anymore..(I mean it this time!)..unless I end up not getting enough of a certain size.(how do you measure enough?..)

I've also went a little overboard on the VS credit card..haha..c'mon..they were having a sale..bra's $15..nice one's..and I needed some new one's..But now I have cut off my spending there until I can get the card back down to where it was..It shouldn't take to long(2months), but Victoria Secret is my ADDICTION so it might be a little harder then I am thinking..I just have to stay off of their website and out of their stores...it's the sales..I tell ya...they get me every time. :)

Okay..well I am going to attempt to be productive today..but this cold weather is not helping..it's making me want to curl up in bed even more then I already want to. Maybe a trip to the bookstore is in order..get myself a new book..it's been a little while since I've bought a new one...besides it will get me out of the house..and off of the computer..