July 20, 2010

A little "down" lately...

I am feeling a little out of the loop tonight. Not sure why. Still just in a "down" mood. Maybe it's because I've been cooped up in my house for 3 days straight now. I need to get out. Maybe tomorrow DJ & I will go to the park or something. He can't like being stuck in the house all day, everyday either. I wish we had a fenced in yard for him to play in.

I am counting down until Donald gets home. We still have some time to go, and I am sooooooo ready for this deployment to be over. So thankful this is his last one for 3 years. I'm over it all and feel like I'm at a breaking point half the time over the smallest things. It will be so nice to have him home again. I know DJ misses him as well.

Well it is after midnight and I need sleep. It's not coming so easily tonight. I've been having problems sleeping again. Ever since I got back from my trip on Wednesday I have been sleeping on the couch. I can't sleep in my bed. I go through this every deployment. It feels so strange to sleep in the bed without him. Half the time I don't get to sleep for awhile. I just lay there. Atleast on the couch I can hear DJ when he wakes up in the morning, a little easier.

Well I am off to my couch. Hopefully DJ sleeps in, in the morning. Mommy here, could use it.

July 18, 2010


I am feeling a little down tonight. My reason you may ask? I wish I didn't care so much about what people thought, especially about myself. I have always been this way (well as far as I can remember), and I don't think I will ever change. Maybe it has to do with how much I was picked on in school for my looks? I don't know. I have always been very self conscious about the way I look. Some people just roll their eyes if I say this, but they just don't understand. Not everyone who is on the thinner side is comfortable with their body. Everyone has their insecurities about things. What brought this to my mind you may be wondering.. Well a friend posted pictures of them going to the springs and having fun. I could never do that. I wouldn't wear a bathing suit out in public. I can't stand the way I look in one. I have been teased my entire life about how pale I am. Then again about being so thin I look anorexic. Even friends joke about it randomly. Growing up and having people (family included) point these things about you out and teasing you about it can really have an impact your life. I've grown up thinking these were flaws. And as much as I defend myself by little sayings about looking younger when I'm older because I didn't tan..etc. It doesn't help. It's all a front. The teasing still bothers me and makes me even more insecure about it all. Anyone every wonder why I tend to dress a little more conservative, not wear shorts, or even short dresses?.. There's your answer.

Yes, I know I will eventually have to get over my insecurities, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. As much as I try they are still there. And it still hurts anytime someone makes a "harmless" joke about how pale I am.

June 20, 2010

Catch Up!

Wow..It's been over a year since I have blogged! I am sorry!

But it has been such a crazy year for us all in the Maloney household. I will do my best to let you in on what has happened in the last year.

Let's see. I last blogged on May 30, 2009. It is now, June 20th, 2010.

My son DJ came home from Shands on June 17th, 2009. Since then he has been through quite a bit with the medical problems. He has been back and fourth to his pediatrician (every week for the first 2 months he was home!), and then back and fourth from Nemours Children's Clinic and even a few times to Wolfsons Childrens' Hospital. Right when we get one thing taken care of another pops up. First it was his lungs, and he spent 3 weeks at Shands. Those 3 weeks I will never forget what I saw and what my poor son had to go through. He came home on June 17th, which was such a blessing! About a month or so after he came home he started having GI issues. We went back and fourth to his pediatrician and then finally a visit to Nemours. He was put on some special formula and all was well. A few months go by, Donald is about to leave on deployment. This time he would be gone all through the holidays. Donald got sick, and DJ started getting sick. Donald left for his deployment and DJ got worse. A few hospital visits later, plus a few Nemours visits, and the deployment coming to an end January gets here. That is when we find out he has Asthma. They say he may grow out of it, and as of right now..he seems to be doing just that. Also around same time starting in Nov. 2009, he kept getting ear infection after ear infection. No antibiotic would work, and it seemed the steroids were not doing anything. The day we found out he had Asthma, we also found out he would be needing to get ear tubes put it. Donald came home in February, and at the end of that month DJ had his tubes put in. And I am happy to say he has not had 1 ear infection since then. :)

There has been something new with his lungs we found a couple of months ago though. His breathing will be normal, they will do the pulsox and it will read 97-100. But when they do an X-Ray to verify, his lungs will have black on them. We went in last week for a sweat test. I was nervous about the results. I called on Friday and they said it came back negative. I almost cried. I thanked God. And, I thank everyone for their prayers for DJ over this past year. We go back to the Pulmonologist on the 28th to see what the next step is.

And here we are. Donald is gone on deployment again. DJ & I miss him so much right now, and can not wait for him to come home to us. I have some amazing friends here (M&M Div!) that have helped me and supported me so much throughout everything. I do not know what I will do when we move. I wish I could take every one of these ladies with me. They say Military Wives start as strangers at the beginning of a deployment, and are sisters by the end. A few deployments later, and I 100% agree with that statement.
(Our ladies night out at Wasabi in Jacksonville!)

Donald is afraid he will not recognize him, but I think he will. He knows who his daddy is. This will be our last one for a few years. We are really looking forward to our move, wherever that may be.

Today is Fathers Day. I want to wish every Father out there a wonderful Fathers Day! & To My Hubby, I hope you are having a good day wherever you are, and know we love & appreciate you very much!

To my own Father, I love you, and I am so thankful for everything you have done for us. You are truly the worlds best dad a girl could ask for! I will forever be, daddy's little girl. :)

And, I promise..I will TRY and update a little more often. Especially considering we will be moving even further away very soon.

Here are a few recent pics: